Offensive, or not Offensive? That is the Question

Lately I've been thinking alot about the use of offensive words in my fiction. It all came up because I got back the copy edited manuscript of SHE'S SO DEAD TO US and the copy editor flagged my use of the word "moron" because Webster's cites it as potentially offensive. I use this word ALL THE TIME in my writing, and had no idea why it might be offensive. I mean, other than the fact that it's an insult. But if I can't have my characters insult one another, then honestly? They're not going to be very realistic.

So I looked it up, and here's what I found on dictionary.com:

mo⋅ron

  [mawr-on, mohr-] Show IPA

–noun

1.	a person who is notably stupid or lacking in good judgment.

2.	Psychology. a person of borderline intelligence in a former classification of mental retardation, having an intelligence quotient of 50 to 69.

I never knew that "moron" had an actual meaning in psychology. And when I posted a poll on twitter, only one person of the twenty that replied said they found the word offensive. But still, I didn't want to take the chance, so I went back and changed the references in the manuscript, just in case. But as I was doing it, I felt ishy about it. The whole thing brought up a bigger question:

Is it more important to me to have my characters speak in a realistic manner, using words I hear used on the street every day, or is it more important to me that I not offend a single reader?

It's an age old question. And I don't really know what the answer is. I do know that it's impossible to write a work of fiction that won't offend a single person, because everyone has a different idea of what's offensive.

I once got an angry letter from a mother about I WAS A NON-BLONDE CHEERLEADER because there was teenage drinking in the book. Annisa, my main character, attended a party where there was drinking, but she, herself, didn't drink and didn't need to drink to have fun. I thought I was showing that people don't NEED to give in to peer pressure to have a good time. That you can get through high school without drinking (like I did) and survive and have friends and participate. I thought I showed Annisa making a mature decision that was right for her--that I showed her dealing with the situation in a way that I'd want my own child to deal with it. I thought my message was a good one. But the very fact that I included a party with alcohol in the story really angered this mom.

So would I go back and change the plot of IWANBC because this person found that offensive? Never. Because I still think the scene showed something positive. The reality is, there is drinking at high school parties. But the reality also is, you don't HAVE to drink.

In the end, I decided that changing the word "moron" wouldn't change the tone, plot, or message of my book, so I just changed it. But I'm sure this is an issue that will come up again and again in my writing. I'm just going to have to deal with each instance as it comes.